WASHINGTON- As the United States prepares its annual celebration of the nation's independence from Great Britain, President Donald Trump has announced a "Salute to America" in honour of the occasion that will include tanks, fighter jet flyovers, displays of Minuteman III missiles and a special goosestepping presentation by The 501st Imperial Stromtrooper Garrison.
"It is about time that the US became modernized in its ritual martial displays like our great nation," says North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. "America truly is great again."
Some Americans have mixed feelings about the rebranding of a holiday that traditionally celebrated the average citizen over military might, but most are perfectly fine with the abrupt change.
"We need to flex our strength and salute the troops more than we do," says all-around patriot Billy Ray Bo Floyd-Williams while dressed in a flag. "We be strong, we be man, we need four Veterans Days! Yee-haw!"
Critics of the event were swiftly called out as a bunch of hippie libtard cucks on 4chan, where they have been ordered to "go back to Canada" amidst written chants of "America: Love it or leave it!."