BOSTON- Going back to school is stressful for children, parents and teachers alike, but one school in Boston is changing that by mandating that all children walk into the building with nothing but bright, yet unenthusiastic, smiles or face a penalty of 90 days in detention.
Principal Herman Köhler issued all teachers and staff rubber batons and let loose his prized German Shepherds to greet the students in the new year. Students who were caught crying or displaying a lack of respect towards the school and its faculty were swiftly bludgeoned to shouts of "Lächle, verdammt" before being escorted to their proper teachers.
"I have made it my mission to keep zhe children disciplined but happy, and happy but not in such a vay zhat it promotes independent thought." said Principal Köhler dressed to the nines in his sleek brown uniform with matching hat and skull insignia. "I vill produce only zhe best and strongest for society, zhe rest vill be dealt vith in ozer vays."
As soon as the first bell rang, the large fence surrounding the school was immediately shut, locked and electrified as several armed guards took positions around the perimeter. Principal Köhler told us that this was a new effort to prevent school shootings and other acts of violence. Well done, sir!