PORTLAND- History is in the making as astronauts Kristina Koch and Jessica Meir embark on the first ever all-female spacewalk to replace a failed power control unit on the International Space Station. However, this feat is not without controversy as the involuntarily celibate (incels for short) and Proud Boys rally throughout the Pacific Northwest in protest, claiming that women have now ruined outer space.
“First they ruined Ghostbusters, then they try to become president, and now they’re taking over space!” screamed self-proclaimed misogynist and all around piece of shit Jackson Peterson, a Portland native and member of the Proud Boys hate group for the past two years. “There’s no safe place for men anymore, the bitches will all ‘me too’ us into oblivion! We need to stop this bullshit so we can go back to making horrible rape jokes in the workplace and playing video games for thirty hours straight again!” Peterson screeched to a crowd of angry white men seen drooling over his words like a pack of inbred hounds.
Counter protesters have met the anti-women-in-space rally in Portland, resulting in several violent clashes as has become the new normal for the once quiet city as dozens of extreme-right hate groups have descended upon it over the past three years.
“It used to be that I could just visit the local pot shop and farmers' market without issue,” said Dan Miller. “But now I feel as though I have to bring my Antifa signs and gasmask wherever I go, these goddamn Nazis are everywhere, man.”
As the protestors and hate mongers battle in Oregon, far above the Earth the ISS is undergoing its repairs in a peace that so few members of humanity have ever been able to enjoy.