A state of emergency has been declared after China’s president for life, Xi Jinping, was found this morning with a jar of “hunny” stuck on his head. The incident occurred at breakfast after Xi desperately attempted to retrieve the last drop of the sugary treat from the bottom of the pot and, failing to grasp it with his hands, plunged his entire noggin into the jar where it promptly became trapped.
“This is the greatest crisis our nation has faced,” said Shu Guozeng, one of President Xi’s advisors. “Worse than the famine of 1958 to ’62, the Taiping Rebellion and the Yellow River flood of 1938 combined. If protestors in Hong Kong get wind of this, it could spell the end of The Party and communist China!”
After spending the past few years outlawing all images of Winnie the Pooh once activists began to compare President Xi to the lovable yellow bear, the president’s latest predicament could be used as fuel for the ongoing unrest in Hong Kong and create a major international embarrassment for the country that provides the world with everything.
From within the honey jar, President Xi could be heard exclaiming “Oh bother” as his staff raced to contact a wise old owl who could provide insight into removing the stubborn pot.